I am now on DAY 5 of my migraine, and am ready to be signed up as contestant for the "Demon Mother and Wife of the Year" award. Arrrrghhll. This, of course, feeds into all my guilt about not being good enough in all the various parts of my life, I start getting depressed, weepy and lonely again, and...
I hate this "dark side of the moon" part of my life, but I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I count my blessings, call my friends and family, and keep singing "I am weak, but thou art strong."
And if it doesn't pass, (O gracious God, please let it!) then it's off to the doctor's office for a prescription. I HATE the dark hole of depression. It looms in the distance, and makes my stomach churn as it swoops closer. I've only had to actually be on drugs for a while after my girl was born, but the hole has been around for a long time. It's such a relief when it fades into the distance, but there is always the awareness that it can come back.
It's interesting, I think, that so many in the ministry profession know exactly what I'm talking about. I can't remember my statistics right now, but depression and related issues are quite prevalent among those in the ministry. Why is that, I wonder? Is it the personality types that are drawn to ministry are also prone to depressive issues? Or is it the type of work itself which makes us more susceptible to these things? Or both?
The national expression of my denomination offers us a certain amount of counseling sessions covered under our insurance, and helps pay for drugs. It also is pushing a big health initiative, trying to basically bribe us to take better care of ourselves. But is it enough? I sure don't remember any classes at seminary about how to stay healthy in ministry. Our synods do little to help with this, beyond a yearly official check-in to see how we're doing. And is it really their responsibility, anyway?
Well, I need to dash. Have to pick up Lil' Princess from school, make some visits I've been putting off, and pick they hymns for this Sunday.
Maybe today is the day the headache will go away...