Day 3 of being snowed in. I've phoned family members more in these three days than I usually do in three weeks. My house isn't any cleaner, and nothing has been organized in all this free time. Just been hanging out. It feels lovely yet naughty, isn't that sad? We live in a culture where you are supposed to be productive ALL the time. The closest I've gotten to multi-tasking during these snowed-in days is watching the TV and playing on the computer at the same time. It's felt good to be able to hang out with my husband and daughter, though I do find myself straying away from them regularly to do stuff by myself. Makes me feel a bit guilty, but it also keeps me less grumpy.
In the midst of eating comfort food, playing games, watching movies, and shoveling snow, some major life changes have happened as well. Maybe it's a blessing that we got some really big news while trapped at home, isolated from the rest of the world. We're still processing and trying to figure out what to do, and we've been left in relative peace, which has been helpful.
My husband has received his Synod assignment. As a soon-to-be-graduate from seminary, the larger church gets to decide what part of the country your first call will be in. And the powers-that-be have chosen for us a place that is in the opposite direction of where we hoped and expected to be. I joked with my sister-in-law that I have been going through the stages of grief, but it is true. And not all that funny. Grief, anger, bargaining, etc. I'm getting closer to acceptance, but it isn't easy. Is this what God wants, or is this us getting shafted?
I know that this place he's been assigned is sure to be filled with very nice people and very nice churches, and there is no reason why this couldn't be wonderful for us. And I don't want to be prejudiced against it. But. BUT. It's far away from where we wanted to be. We wanted to be closer to family, not farther away. We know no one there. It's more isolated. It scares us. It upsets us that our wishes were ignored. We're truly concerned about what this will mean for our daughter - preschool, day care, school district, etc.
So what do we do? Accept it humbly, gratefully, gracefully? Or see if we have another option? I know that many people have gone through far greater challenges than this. Really, it's not that traumatic in the scheme of life. But it's big for us right now. I don't want to be untrusting. I don't want to be ungrateful. I want to be open. But I also have to be honest.
Honestly, I'm not sure what to say. I feel excited, sad, angry, curious, frustrated, anxious, impatient, and a little bit of every other emotion. So I'll take another breath. And another. And another. And trust that each is a gift, no matter where I am when I take it.