Friday, October 02, 2009

Unanswered Question

I was staring blankly at the TV the other day (which happens pretty often now that we're up at all hours day and night with a cranky baby) and I caught a part of Oprah. Now I haven't seen an episode of Oprah in years, and have never been that interested in watching. But it was on, I was conscious but didn't dare move from my seat until the baby was definitely asleep, so I watched.

Oprah told the story of a woman from Africa who had a dream of coming to America and getting an education. Everything was stacked against her, she had a very moving story. But after 20 years of struggle, she now lives in America, has a Bachelor's degree, a Master's degree, and is a few month's away from a PhD. The premise of her presentation was that a person's hopes and dreams are attainable.

It really struck me. Besides being horrified by the situations she came out of (refused education by her father, married off at age 11, stuck with a husband who beat her), I was so moved by her tenacious commitment to her dreams, and her refusal to give up on them. I started asking myself, what are my hopes and dreams? The sad thing is, I didn't have an answer. I couldn't think of any.

This is really bothering me. I find myself thinking alot about this, and doing some soul- searching. I'm not sure where this will lead me, but I know that it matters deeply to me. In my current call, I had already realized that I have felt little to no passion for the ministry, but have chalked it up to the isolation and depression. But now I see that this lack of passion is connected to a lack of personal hopes and dreams for myself. I have hopes for my children, my husband, my other family and friends. But none for myself. So I'm trying to set myself on a path to some self-discovery. I'm not sure how, but I know it matters.

1 comment:

PS (PSanafter-thought) said...

I probably should hate to say it, but I haven't been one to have hopes and dreams or goals for most of my life, except things like graduate from college. Then get a job, but I hated it, my lifetime dream job. So then I guess I stopped that kind of dreaming and just got a job, not needing education, but I liked that job. Then I just drifted; now I'm sort of getting old, and there I am, but I guess I don't have big regrets either.