Sunday, February 10, 2008

"The speed of the sound of loneliness"

The solitude and (relative) isolation of living out here in our little corner of ND has been starting to get to me again. As a social person who thrives on conversation, whose creative juices flow in the interaction with others, and whose preference is to be out and about, this move has been...challenging.

Most of my time is spent at the house, alone or with Lil' Princess. All this time I have, that I hoped I could use for creative purposes, is just weighing heavily on me, as I struggle to get basic life stuff done. I feel very alone. My hubby, who is introverted, can't wait to get back home after a day in town, and have time alone. While I'm desperate for interaction with people. I've enjoyed getting into the blogging universe, but it just doesn't take the place of real live human interaction.

So I'm trying to figure out what to do. Hubby says, "You gotta get out more." I retort, "And just what am I going to do? Visit more shut-ins?" While I do enjoy doing home visits, that's not quite the interaction I'm looking for to fill my cup. I'd like to find something that doesn't involve my parishioners or my hubby's, but out here that will be next to impossible. I'm going to have to do some there a community choir I could attend, an arts council I could get involved in, a library committee, a children's outreach program? Something FUN that involves doing things I actually ENJOY with other PEOPLE who enjoy them too?!?!?!? And DARE I DREAM, something that involves people somewhere near my age, instead of all 40 years older than me?!?!?

OK, I'm calmer now, done with the ranting. I'm just so lonely, and this pain is hurting me, and it's hurting my family. So I gotta do something.

But what.

I miss my old life.

1 comment:

imngrace said...

Hang in there. I have a sense of what you are feeling. My divorce cut me off from lots of folks and finding my place again hasn't been easy, plus I moved 1000 miles away from my friends and support system. If you can find a place where you can be you and not mommy, pastor, or wife--grab hold of it. Everyone needs that place. I pray you find it--soon.