Pain

I've been out of contact for a while now.
Out of my mind for a while.
Pain is a constant companion now, and discomfort.
Wrenching gut pain, pounding throbbing head pain. Fuzzy head, hard to think. So very tired most every moment. Emotionally distressed, spiritually distressed.

But this is actually better than before. Pretty sh%$$y, right? I'm "in process" of being treated. It could be far, far worse. And supposedly by this fall, I'll be feeling pretty normal again.

What the hell is normal? I have no f*^@ing clue anymore. Hard to hold on to the hope, the promise of better, of this thing called normal.

I realized the other day that this particular health drama has been going on now for just over a year now. I've been a near invalid off and on, and the sickest I've ever been for a YEAR now. I keep reminding myself that there are many who live with chronic pain, chronic conditions, and that I am so very fortunate that I can still work to a certain extent, still function pretty well. I can walk, talk, sing, dance,bake brownies, lead worship, and read books to my girls. And kiss my husband.

So, keep the gratitude levels up as much as I can, focus on the promise of the future, kiss and hug my family a lot, and stop focusing so much of my emotional and spiritual energy on things I cannot change.

And keep praying for my mother, my awesome, loving, kick-butt mom who is going to come through her cancer surgery just fine, thank you very much.

Mom

Mom

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

I am so sorry that cancer has revealed itself in your body. But it does not get to define your body or your life.

The love you have given and received is far greater, and is who you are. (Along with a great sense of style, and organization that I wish I had inherited!)

I love you

your daughter

Blah!

Wow. I have no creative thoughts at all. My mind is pretty blank. Which doesn't bode well for the two sermons I need to write for this week.

I have meant to be a regular blog writer, but life has been kicking me in the butt. I'm on the fifth day of migraines, and in the midst of the hyper thyroid part of the treatment of Grave's Disease. So, it's day by day.

Right now hubby and I are playing the game of "who's feeling worse." He's got a nasty cold and sinus headache. So we're kind of a drag around here, both girls are sick too.

Better news will hopefully be coming!

Moving Through Advent

Advent inspiration.
(image from flikr)

Down but not Out

Sitting by the tree, watching Cupcake Wars, the children are asleep, hubby is snoring, and I'm getting ready to snuggle in for the night. I'm not fully ready for service tomorrow, but it will be OK. This Grave's Disease is kicking my butt, but this is not the end of the world. I will survive!

November Preparations

(image from Flicker)
Now that November is here, its time to gear up for a busy ministry season, and for hosting Thanksgiving. Cooking for guests always makes me a nervous wreck! As a domestically challenged person, it absolutely freaks me out that I have to plan, prepare and serve all these meals to these people. Its hard enough for me to feed my family from day to day! So I'm trying to save myself some stress by finding simple child friendly recipes and trying them out on my family. And finding the most simple Thanksgiving Day recipes too. Breathe! It will be OK!

Angst about food aside, we have some major cleaning to do, which is challenging when you have children following behind you undoing all your organization with chaos. I'm actually kind of pumped about the cleaning part, because I envision our friends and their kids here, enjoying our home, and feeling comfortable with us. I can't wait to see them!

sun on the mountain

Classic Collage 3x5 folded card

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Painful Weddings

Wedding tomorrow. I am dreading it, as is most everyone involved in it. The bride and groom can't wait for it to just be over. So much drama, so much smack talking, so much family dysfunction. Brides family hates groom, tries to manipulate bride, and are attention seeking drama queens and kings. Grooms family is somewhat messed up, but pretty stable at this point. And absolutely appalled at the bride's families behavior. I was sooo glad when the rehearsal was over. I didn't know if the bride was going to get through the evening. I tried to be supportive of her and help her out, but ended up being loathed by her sisters who are against the wedding.

Yuck. Yuckity yuck. And know I'm trying to figure out what to preach at the wedding! I'd love to tell them to all grow up and get a clue, but that wouldn't really be pastoral or appropriate. (But many of them could use a good stern lecture about their selfishness). So what do I preach to these people who are so divided and upset and dysfunctional? What can they hear, really, at this point?

Might have to sleep on this one.

Getting our Spook On

picture by faith goble, from flickr


We're getting ready for Halloween at our place. The window clings are up, and the rest of the decorations will come out tomorrow. Some of the ladies at the church and I are planning an All Hallow's Eve party on the 31st, games and food and prizes all on the parsonage lawn. I'm getting pumped about it! We're going to advertise in all the surrounding communities, since people tend to have to travel quite far for trick-or-treating anyway. I think we could have a GREAT turnout, if the weather SO much fun to do it on our big lawn. Here's hoping!

Thoughts during the Conference

You can tell when the fall schedule comes. Conferences, school schedule, game schedules, and confirmation class planning. It certainly gears up! This is the last day of our Fall Pastors' Theological Conference, which has been interesting and somewhat helpful. I think the best thing about it is the chance to laugh with other pastors, and get some sleep.

Its been so nice to see young couples and children at the conference. There has been a turn-over in our synod this past year, and the young vs. older ratio is changing among our pastors. Since so many of ours are approaching retirement age, it is nice to see that new faces are arriving.

As always, we have been presented with much good information. The challenge is to ponder and integrate it, instead of it slipping away as we jump back into the rush of our usual schedules. This happens with all continuing ed. It's all so interesting and exciting, but its hard to really think it through and make it happen somehow in ministry when you go straight back into the intensity of every-day schedules. The busy rut makes it hard to be creative and implement new things. Not impossible, it takes intentionality and hard work. The onus is on us. But it is far too easy to let the good stuff slip away as we slog away in the trenches. I'm pondering how to address this for myself.

Friday Class

Last day of Continuing Education class. Its been interesting and challenging, and I hope to be able to let it work on my brain and assumptions. And impact the ministry I'm leading. When class is done, we pack up and head to RevDad's parents' place. Tomorrow we meet friends at the Renaissance Festival, then spend the rest of the weekend with the grandparents. We hope it will be a good ending to these two weeks away.

I do really hope that this can bring a sense of renewal for me, and bring a good spirit to the parish. We need an uplift after a very difficult year.

Isaiah 40:1-2

"Comfort, O comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that she has served her term, that her penalty is paid, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins."

Fascinating class today. Taking on God as warrior, taking on violence in the Bible. That God punishes in the Bible. How do we speak about this to our people? How do we be authentic and honest about the darkness and pain? The overall point of this continuing ed is to think about how we break down the barriers that keep people from engaging Scripture.

Lots to think about....

Learning Something

Continuing education has begun! It feels so good to be back in the classroom. Only one session so far, but very interesting so far. RevDad's aunt and uncle are watching the girls, we'll see how that goes...they can be much more than a handful.

I'm glad for this week of learning. It's so good to soak up new perspectives and think in new ways. Be enlightened. Its so easy to get stuck in your own ruts, your own ways of thinking, your own perspectives. So yay for life long learning!

Blessing

The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord look upon you with favor and give you peace. Amen.

Count to Ten, Take a Deep Breath

The countdown has begun.

Our vacation / continuing education trip starts in 6 days.

Before then the house needs to be quick cleaned and the car needs to be cleaned out.
The fall worship plans need to be finalized and emailed to the secretary and musicians.
I need to talk to the Parish president about some possible vacation time in September and about a stewardship emphasis I want to do in October.
I need to talk with my confirmation teachers to go through the changes in the program, and the new schedule.
I have a telephone interview, premarital counseling session, a nursing home worship service, a wedding rehearsal, and a wedding to do.

And I need to pack. Myself, Lil' Princess, and SweetBaby. Pack enough for two weeks. The baby stuff alone will fill the car to the brim!

I'm attempting not to hyperventilate.

All of a Sudden

Yikes!

All of a sudden, it occurred to me today all that I need to get done now that August is just a few days away. Confirmation parent letters need to go out, meeting with confirmation leaders needs to be planned and arranged, fall worship plans need to be made and emailed, fall stewardship plan need to be finalized and brought to the parish board, visitation schedule needs to be finalized, and I'm sure there are some things I'm forgetting. For the family, we have to finalize our vacation plans (hello, only two weeks away!), and get our back-to-school shopping done. Now that Lil' Princess is 7, she has definite opinions about what she wants to wear and have, so it does complicate the shopping process at times. And it can make it more fun too. I remember fondly all the shopping trips with my mom, and I hope to have that with her.

There's so much I wanted to get done this summer. Basically, I had hoped to get through our stuff. Go through the whole house, sort through all the boxes, get rid of stuff, and organize what we keep. Which is a ridiculously huge goal, but a good one! I got through about a third of the basement, which I am proud of. It was a HUGE mess, and hard work. But now the main living area is a very nice space that is safe for SweetBaby to play in, and a pleasant place for all of us to hang out in. I just have to keep going, and not let it end there! Finish the basement, and move on up the stairs. The part I'm not looking forward to is the storage room where all the unopened boxes are stuffed, and all the Christmas decorations are lodged. It is the black hole of miscellaneous odds and ends. BUT how amazing it will be when it is done!!! A whole room available for use!!! Maybe I could even set it up as a sewing and hobby room. That would be soooo cool. Focus on the goal.

The World is Green (and Stinky)

Poop. I'm trying to work on my sermon on the Lord's Prayer, but instead I'm dealing with two sick girls and poopy diapers. Funny how parenthood and exhaustion work on your brain. Instead of musing on the significance of the gift of this prayer that Jesus has given us, a prayer that so many generations have shared, and the amazing claims we make within it, I have been thinking about the amazing forms in which baby poop can come. This is because today's was really nasty, sort of a dark green pudding that went everywhere. Just when I thought I'd had it all, I had to get another wipe out to catch another bit. Oh joy!

Somehow, I don't think diapers and poop will work as a sermon illustration. Most really don't want to hear about poop consistency. Usually grandparents are the only ones interested!

Life is Like That

Summer is quickly rolling by. In a little over a month school will resume! I've been working on confirmation, and thinking about what needs to be purchased for Lil' Princess before the school bus comes rumbling down the street. Sweet Baby has grown by leaps and bounds, and seems to be just a breath away from taking steps. And I think the schedule this summer has been crazier than any winter schedule! This week is particularly insane, and I'm still not sure how in the world I'm going to make Wednesday and Thursday work. Since it is impossible to be in two places at once....

We're planning on a little escape, a little vacation in August before everything switches gears. We still haven't agreed on what exactly we're going to do, where we're going to go. RevDad and I have different ideas about what is a relaxing and fun vacation. Soooo...we need to get our rears in gear, we're running out of time! So we'll see what compromise brings us.

Urgh. Time to go to bed. I'm sure SweetBaby will get me up at least once, and tomorrow will be an insane day. Here comes the ZZZZZ's!

Summer Time

Summer is here! School is out, the days are (mostly) warm, and almost all of my flowers are planted. There are a few perennials I want to try out, and some annuals to put in pots on the front steps, but the majority is done.

SweetBaby is finally baptized. It was so nice, our good friend did the baptizing, her godparents came from far away to be there, and two dozen members from my congregations attended the late afternoon service. After-wards we had cake and coffee, and lots of nice conversation. It was a sweet, meaningful time. Lil' Princess loved getting the chance to play with her cousins.

Now its time to figure out how this summer schedule and life is going to work. I think we all feel a little out of sorts, and out of kilter. SweetBaby's napping and sleeping schedule is all out of whack. Lil' P is alternating between excited and whiney. And RevDad and I are just really tired.

New Screen to Enjoy

I got my birthday/Mother's day present yesterday...a new laptop computer. It's so purty!! Shiny, clean, fast, gleaming with possibilities. I just can't keep my happy little fingers off of it. It might even encourage me to write a manuscript sermon this week - one never knows!

It's a very full week at our household. We had a long day going to far-away Big City yesterday, followed by a concert at school last night. Today is a doctor's appt., text study, and a dance lesson for Lil' Princess and a pre-marital counseling appt. for me tonight. Tomorrow is crazy busy too with confirmation and meetings. Thursday I might get to breath a bit.

I'm actually looking forward to thinking out the lessons for this Sunday's sermon. The first lesson, from Acts, is so full of good stuff, and there are so many good directions to go in. Plus its Senior Recognition, so that is a fun and uplifting time too.

A very full week ahead, and a fun new tool to use to get it all done. All in all, I guess I can't complain.